LL Cool J.’s strange and yes awkward opening monologue followed by Taylor Swift’s big top disaster should have been the obvious cues for me to plan my exit in search of more entertaining fodder like, oh I don’t know, “The Real Housewives of Atlanta?” Besides the Mama Said Knock You Out rapper being the wrong choice as host there were a couple of cool moments like Bruno Mars souling out the vibe during the Bob Marley tribute, Mavis Staples adding that tinge of gospel alongside Sir Elton John, Rihanna getting heartfelt, Frank Ocean settling into his quiet yet often misunderstood genius, Adele’s graciousness, and of course a Prince sighting.
While channel surfing during the tedious and lopsided music show I made a list of all the things I could have been doing instead.
1. I could have been walking my imaginary dog.
2. I could have had a V8.
3. I could have watched Good Times reruns.
4. I could have taken tap lessons.
5. I could have become a vegan.
6. I could have taken singing lessons.
7. I could have climbed a tree.
8. I could have chewed a whole pack of gum.
9. I could have burned a book.
10. I could have become a Belieber.