Ever go to the gym and notice any of these type characters? People who treat the place like it’s their own private residence? To the point where they seem surprised when guests show up every hour, oh I don’t know, to workout. If you’re one of these people, yes I’m talking to you. If you’re not but have been on the receiving end of such ridiculous behavior, here’s a quick pound or cyber high five. This rant’s for you.
Super Soaker Sam He sweats profusely. Drenching everything in site. Yes, that was me sliding off the treadmill face first the other day. He never wipes down the equipment when he’s done.
Tammy Talk-A-Lot She talks on her phone the entire time she’s on the elliptical. No, we can’t hear you. We’re all wearing headphones. Please…talk louder.
Harold the Hogger Stays on the same machine for at least forty straight sets of (12). Not to mention hangs his towel on the chest press and places his water bottle on the nearest bench. Naw, we don’t mind watching you workout! Go ‘head.
Overzealous Zora Almost instantly once the music starts playing, your elbows are flying and hips with a little too much thrust threaten to wipe out the entire front line, including the instructor. So instead of Zumba are we now taking Capoeira? Insurance sign-ups at the front desk? Okay,thanks for the tip.
Prom Queen You can always find her holding court with the guys who come to the gym to cruise instead of working out. From station to station they follow her as she pretends to need help adjusting the seat on the stationary bike. Meanwhile the Kumbaya circle grows blocking anyone’s attempt to pass or squeeze in a bit of cardio.
Gospel Greg Don’t get me wrong, I like gospel music. I just don’t want to hear the best of Kirk Franklin and Marvin Sapp in between your loud grunts as you drop yet another dumbbell to the floor. GP(Gym People) are you wit’ me?
Funkmaster Flex No More There’s nothing like the harmonious blend of old bacon grease, feet and hot onion soup to greet my senses everytime you climb up on an elliptical trainer. I moved three machines down the other day and still found myself under your gag order. Here’s a fun fact you can find in all of your clothing labels: PLEASE WASH ME.
Yes, there are plenty more like Sammy the Snacker. Like, how many protein bars can you eat in one hour? And Gassy Gail. Need I say more? You get my point. Sometimes when you go to the gym, all you want to do is, oh I don’t know, workout. Enough said.